Peaceful parenting is a lifelong practice. We will fall back to our default patterns. We will revert to the generational patterns we inherited from our own childhood. We will make mistakes. And that is all okay because peaceful parenting is a lifelong practice. The keywords here are lifelong and practice. That is good news!

Here is more good news: We are given almost limitless opportunities for practice from our children everyday! Sometimes those opportunities seem to come every few moments! We get to keep showing up in our imperfections. We get to repair when we make a mistake. We get to model this beautiful life of intention and empowerment for our children.

The ability to be peaceful, conscious, intentional parents is found in our behaviors as the parents. When we accept this reality, peaceful parenting is within our grasp. One of the strongest tools in my parent centric toolbox is my Go To Sensory Strategy. 

We use a sensory strategy to bring us back to calm when we are in the depths of chaos AND we practice that sensory strategy when we do not need it. In order for a sensory strategy to be accessible to us in the moments we most need it, we must practice it consistently when we are already calm or at least okay. What does this look like? 

It starts with tuning into our body. When we become triggered or dysregulated what does that feel like in our body? Is our body suddenly on fire? Do we clench our jaw? Does our heart feel like it will fly out of our chest? Notice. Feel. Pause. Embrace. 

Noticing these body responses is our first step to being able to self regulate. Once we have spent some time (a day, a week, however long it takes!) learning how our body responds to stressful situations, then we can begin to lean into the physical sensations and pause. We pause because almost always it is not an emergency, even though our body’s response often treats a screaming child or a thrown toy or a sullen teen as an emergency. The pause might be 10, 30, 60 seconds. In that pause we embrace where we are in this moment and put our sensory strategy into action. 

That is self-regulation. When we are safe, regulated, breathing we can lend our calm to our children. 

Sensory strategies are person specific, what works for me might or might not work for you. Take some time to trial a few strategies. Some ideas:

• Breathing exercises (watch my videos here to try several!)
• Drinking water
• Chewing on ice
• Forcing yourself to laugh (really guffaw! It is silly, weird, and works for many people, just make sure your child does not think you are laughing at them!)
• Closing your eyes and putting your hands on your heart
• Lie on the floor and put your feet up on the wall

Practice these strategies each day as many times a day as you can. Share with your children, “I am learning some new strategies to keep my body and mind safe and calm. I am going to practice them during the day.” Consider inviting your child to join in.

Once you have a sensory strategy or two that feels soothing to your body, the time to practice it moves to those hairy moments! Notice your body, pause, use your strategy. Embrace a new sensation of calm. Now you can co-regulate with your child, lending them your calm, you can keep your cool. Will you get it right each time? Nope! When that happens, you repair. And you keep showing up and try again. 

When practicing this strategy the brain is being re-wired. The more we engage in practice in and out of the moment the more we build muscle memory and new brain connections. I remember the first time my strategy was not fully conscious. 

One of my biggest triggers is loud! Which is tricky because I have the loudest children on the planet. When they are happy they are loud, when they are talking they are loud, when they are angry or sad they are loud. They are just loud. My brain has spent years fearing loud because it has not always been safe for me. Re-wiring works! My brain has learned that loud is not unsafe, just loud. 

My youngest came running out into the kitchen, shouting about her newest discovery. I felt my body tense, I felt my body temperature begin to rise, and then, like a balm, my brain said, “I am safe.” And I instantly relaxed. It was one of my most beautiful parenting moments. I was able to be immediately present for my child and her joy. 

Does this mean I was done practicing? Absolutely not! I still practice my strategy daily and I still need to be intentional most days, but I am able to get there faster and faster. Sometimes I miss the opportunity and then I repair my relationship with my children. Many times, I am able to self regulate and be the parent I want to be and that my children deserve.  And that is the joy of peaceful parenting.