Transcript:

Hello. Welcome to the Planting Rainbows Parent Coaching podcast. This is the place where parents come for strategies and concepts to create peace, play, and possibility in their parenting. No matter how old their kids are or how badly they feel about the job they are doing as parents. At Planting Rainbows Parent Coaching, we focus on progress over perfection, showing up again and again. And again. And doing the best we can. I am so glad you are here. Please visit PlantingRainbows.com to subscribe to our weekly newsletter so you never miss a podcast.

Today on the show, we are talking about views of motherhood and how the views held in our hearts and our intuition are not the same as the ones we look to when we judge ourselves. I’m Kristi with Planting Rainbows Parent Coaching and I’m so excited to get started.

There is this illusion in many of our minds about what makes a good mom. In speaking with my clients, I hear a lot of rules for who qualifies as a good mom.

A good mom always has a clean house. That’s a big one. I hear that every time.

A good mom is always there for her kids. Always.

A good mom cooks nutritious meals every day. Yep. Every day. A good mom, never yells. A good mom is loving and patient. Very patient. Always. A good mom is always put together: matching clothes, no yoga pants, makeup on, hair done. Oh, my goodness. It is utterly exhausting just listening to that list. Let alone living that list. When I ask my clients to tell me what makes a good mom based on the ideas in their heart, though. The answers are almost universally different from those original ideals. A good mom does her best.

A good mom listens to her kids. A good mom wants her kids to eat. A good mom plays with her kids. A good mom apologizes when she yells. How does that list feel?

When I think of that list, I feel. Huh. Okay. I can do that. Yeah. That feels obtainable.

These two lists otherwise. Seem absolutely incompatible for the same job. Don’t they?

What else can we expect from ourselves though? Almost every representation of “good motherhood” we see is perfect. The mom keeps her house clean, obviously. Her hair is perfect. Her clothes? On point. Her body is fit and trim. Um, skinny, right? Which we deem better than fat and therefore a better mom. Her children are angels in public and at home. Her children are clean and wear matching clothes. She is on time for carpool, for work for soccer. For life. She adults and cooks and cleans. And works and raises well kept children. Perfectly.

So we see these examples of motherhood everywhere we look.

And then reality strikes us like, like a cold shower in the winter. These are impossible standards. Even for those among us who are super Type A and are really, really good at everything else we do. But no one stands a real chance at living up to these standards. And yet we try. We try so hard. We ended up crying in the shower. Sneaking chocolate in the bathroom. Not sleeping when the baby sleeps. Burnt out. Touched out. And for many of us. Not really enjoying motherhood the way we expected we would.

There is a solution to all this pain, though. What if…what if we tossed aside all these rules for mamas? What if we decided to make our own rules of what makes a good mama? Using the list. that lives in our hearts. And our intuitions and our inner most beliefs.

I can actually answer that what if question. Because my clients do that work, they come back after making that list with me. And they say things like, “I am a good mama” and they believe it.

And they say. “I yelled at my daughter because she was up in the middle of the night again, last night. And I was so tired. But then I apologized to her. And we snuggled and she fell right to sleep. And before I fell asleep, I forgave myself for yelling. I reminded myself, I am human. And this is a hard job. And humans? Get to be human.

So, what can you do, mama? It starts with making a list of three things. Just three, that make a good mama. A good mum. A good mom. Just start with three. And the only rule. Is, they have to come from your heart.

They can’t be the ideas you saw in a magazine. They can’t be the image you hold of some grandma or some mom who lived in a completely different world than you do. They can’t even be words you heard here today. I invite you to lock yourself in the bathroom, if that’s the only quiet place, with a piece of paper and a pen or the random crayon, the kids left on the staircase. Write down the three most treasured roles of a mama from your heart. And start there.

If you want personalized one-to-one coaching. Visit PlantingRainbows.com where you can schedule a free 20 minute call with me, Kristi, to see if we would be a good fit to work together.

Thank you for tuning in to the Planting Rainbows Parent Coaching podcast. The place where parents find the peace, play. and possibility in their parenting. I love you all. You are enough.